stars, sex and nudity buzz : 07/13/2012

Maria Sharapova at 2012 ESPY Awards, Los Angeles [July 11 2012]
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* near see-thrus for sexiest babe in tennis. The Siberian siren aspires to be a fashion designer in future and judging from the pictorials above - she will be a huge success.

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Yvonne Strahovski on Her New 'Dexter' Character
The former Chuck star stopped by our THR lounge to discuss her new role on Showtime's Dexter. When asked to describe her character Hannah she replied, "Mysterious, dark, and I guess kind of sexy."
Dexter returns for season 7 on September 30th, 2012.

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Sofía Vergara Exclusive Behind-the-Scenes in Machete Kills - MI VIDA CON TOTY
Manolo visits the sets and location of "Machete Kills" and gives us a killer behind the scenes of Robert Rodríguez's upcoming film... and a peek of what his mother, Sofía Vergara, will be doing in it. Lots of shooting, Danny Trejo, snoring, cool sets, action, and fun stuff.


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Jessica Marais : GQ Australia
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super-fuckable Meghan Markle in Suits: Season 2, Episode 4



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Indiana Jones and the 70th Birthday!!!
0712_harrison_ford_genes  
Believe it or not, but Harrison Ford turns 70 -- SEVENTY! -- today.
Here's the 39-year-old "Raiders of the Lost Ark" star back in 1981 (left) -- and 31 years later, the earring clad "Star Wars" icon at an event in NYC earlier this year (right).


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Lil Wayne Damn Near Naked!!!!


This bitch done broke the groupie code! “Princess Saralyn” was so thirsty for attention, she tweeted a pic of rapper Lil Wayne after their few steamy moments of passion.
She’ll be famous for today but tomorrow she will be back in the pool of thirsty bitches.


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Male tourists faint on kissing breasts of sex workers in Phuket
Many male tourists who visited Phuket for sex found themselves losing consciousness after kissing the breasts of sex workers.
According to Hong Kong's Apple Daily, the men found their money and valuables missing after they regained consciousness.
One of the girls from the syndicate, Joob, 24, said more than 10 women were involved, and that men from Hong Kong, China, Taiwan and Singapore were their targets.
"They are more timid and usually won't lodge a police report afterwards," Star Online quoted her as saying.
"Normally, we can find a few thousand Thai bahts on them," she said.
Joob also said that 1,500 baht (RM150) was given to the mastermind each time they pulled off the stunt.

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Why Everyone in Hollywood Is Paying More for a Manager
When I started as an agent in 1987, talent managers were most commonly thought of as appendages of musicians and a minority of actors. If someone said "manager" to me back then, I would have thought of Colonel Tom Parker, who guided the career of Elvis Presley for a reported commission of 25 percent (most managers today, like agents, take 10 percent). The majority of actors and practically all writers, directors, and producers only had agents, who not only found jobs and set up projects on behalf of their clients, but also were hand-holders and career strategists. Agents have a franchise, established by state law, which says that they can procure employment and negotiate deals, while talent managers, who are unregulated and solely provide career guidance, are technically prohibited from those actions. 

Now it seems that almost all actors and a high percentage of writers, directors, and producers have managers, and those who don’t are thinking about getting one. The reason for this change can be found in the news reports written about talent agencies these days, most of which involve a cycle of mergers between agencies and the subsequent firings of suddenly superfluous agents. And the few remaining agencies are financially restructuring and making high-profile investments in side businesses, as ICM did in buying out a majority of their former owners and changing their name to ICMPartners, and CAA and WME did when they sold part of themselves to, respectively, private equity funds Texas Pacific Group and Silver Lake Partners. Whenever I read one of these stories, my first thought is, Great for the talent managers — because all of this distraction and job cutting only means that agents don’t have the time nor interest to be as attentive as they once were and that gap in the process of representation still needs to be filled by someone.

Though no agents would publicly acknowledge that they and their colleagues are less interested in their clients' needs, speaking privately they often tell another story. One partner at a major agency explained it this way: "The two and two half-agencies that exist [CAA, WME, and the medium-size UTA and ICMPartners] are desperate to create an exit strategy, which means a salable asset, which means finding other businesses to leverage the core into.” With the agency owners looking to personally cash out, most of their companies are using the cash and clout they get from representing talent by making investments in other businesses: CAA has stakes in the online education company Encore Career Institute and social networking site Whosay, and WME has invested in social video site Chill. “Of course, we're idiots,” continued the agency partner, “and don't know anything about it, so it means a lot of distraction and meetings and New York. It is a goose chase. The agency owners are [no longer] interested in the combat sport to go out and get the data [as in, information on the status of studio and network projects] and use it to get jobs for the clients. For these guys on top, it is an incoming phone call and trying to move the offer to the next client if that one isn't available.” 

This situation, of course, creates an opportunity for managers to market their services to underserved potential clients. A former agent and now manager for writers and directors at a well-known management company tells me that she sells herself to potential clients like this: “A great manager turbo-charges representation ... I don't represent agencies, I represent clients ... just like when I was an agent. Obviously in features that's a no-brainer, but in TV the agency mandates the package first.” She's referring to the long-running controversy in the business about agencies receiving an "agency package fee" for putting together a show or providing its key element. This fee is commonly equal to 3 percent of the license fee that the network pays the studio for the rights to the show, plus 10 percent of the profits, which can add up to a huge amount of money, possibly even more than what any individual client of the agency would make on the show. That the agency can make so much from jamming its clients together into a show creates the possibility of a conflict of interest; there's a lot of incentive to advise a client to do a show that wasn’t in his or her interest, but that would be very valuable to the agency. “That's great if an agency can do what's best for their clients while having the resources to preserve their package ... but you know how well that works,” she added sarcastically. Apparently, these ulterior motives are resonating with the talent, who are now left looking for objective advice. As this manager says, “Clients feel they need to have two people do for them what one used to do. It is a great time to be a manager who knows what they are doing.” 

A department head at a big agency sees some value in managers but doesn’t always buy that they're imperative. “Because agencies have consolidated into two or three big agencies, [clients] think they need managers to navigate things," he says. "In my case, I'm really involved in my clients’ lives and it is the manager who has to play catch-up. Still, for filmmakers who are trying to break into the business, it can be effective [to have a manager]. They can help them practice a pitch and figure out what to say in meetings.” 

Though there may seem to be an adversarial position that has developed between agents and managers, the situation is more symbiotic than it appears, and both sets of representatives have benefited from the new order. The agencies, faced with declining revenue from their clients as salaries for creative talent has dropped, have followed the path of other businesses in similar circumstances: cut overhead by cutting personnel. Another agent turned manager with his own company points out that, “when Endeavor merged with William Morris to make WME, they took on around 250 more clients for TV and kept only three WMA agents, letting go over 100 reps and support staff: UTA signed 60 former William Morris clients who didn’t stay after that merger and kept one agent who has since left.” Obviously, the increase in the client-to-agent ratio benefits the bottom line of the agency; but, at the same time, the client is receiving worse service for the same 10 percent he paid before. 

And where do many of these jobless agents end up? Ironically, as managers, often representing the same people whom they repped when they were agents. In effect, the agency has off-loaded the cost of extra career guidance for an individual client by getting that client to pay for that service directly with an additional 10 percent fee. And though the managers act like they’re now protecting their clients from agents’ self-interest, they also can be co-opted by their own interests. Says the agency department head, “The dirty little secret is the reciprocity that goes on between agents and managers trading clients, and doing favors for each other." History shows that managers who deliver clients to an agent usually get other clients delivered in return. "The most corrupt thing is when [a producer] wants a client of a manager and can't have him unless he makes [the client's] manager a producer on the project. And the agency supports this.”

As the owner of a restaurant, I would love to save money by firing the dishwasher and dumping all of the equipment necessary to keep plates and utensils clean; then the unemployed dishwashers could stand outside the restaurant and rent clean plates to customers for a separate fee. I could then still charge the same prices and increase my net profit, while the dishwashers would probably make more than the minimum wage they are getting now. Unfortunately, there is too much competition and customers would just go elsewhere for meals where the plates are provided for free. The talent agents are lucky in that they have rolled up so many of the agencies into two giants and two medium-size companies that there isn't real competition and they can get away with their machinations with little or no blowback. When I asked the manager with his own company why the talent puts up with this state of affairs, he offered, “I think the individual clients are experiencing fear and lack of choice.” This is understandable: It is a small business and for an actor, writer, or director, the idea of standing up to the entire agency business and saying, “Hey, do your job as you are supposed to for the fee that has been standard for a hundred years” seems impossible and potentially damaging to one’s career. And the government has too much on their plate with regulating banks and oil companies to bother with talent agencies.

But here is the good news: When businesses overconglomerate to the detriment of the consumer of their products or services, the result is usually the formation of new small businesses intent on picking up the dissatisfied clientele tied to the companies who swallowed, digested, and excreted parts of their former competitors. This environment looks great for boutiques like the Ilene Feldman Agency, which represent actors like Ryan Gosling and Chris Hemsworth, and Verve, which represents a long list of up-and-coming writers. I predict more small agencies starting up in the near future and offering more and better service for their clients, as well as a good living for the owners of those agencies. Until, of course, their eventual desire to keep growing their profit margins and clout leads them to join together to form larger agencies that can sell parts of themselves to private equity firms and generate big payouts to the owners of those agencies and worse service to their clients. And when that happens, it will be great for talent managers, again.

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As powerful as inspirational quotes can be, sometimes we just need a bit of humor to lighten up our day. For those occasions, funny quotes and one-liners are quite effective, especially when they poke fun at our everyday annoyances, whether it be politics, work, aging or marriage.
Not content with finding these humorous quotes on only bumper stickers, we set out to put together a list of them. Below, you’ll find the Top 100: Funny Quotes and One-Liners that are sure to put a smile on your face.
Man making women laugh at nightclub
1. ”How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO!’” - Unknown
2. “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.” - Will Rogers
3. “Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.” - José Maria de Eça de Queiroz
4. ”Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong” - Unknown
5. “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” - Brian Gerald O’Driscoll
6. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go” - Oscar Wilde
7. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” - Abraham Lincoln (paraphrase from the Bible, ‘Proverbs’ 17:28)
8. “The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.” - Unknown
9. “The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes.” - Albert Einstein
10. “I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.” - Unknown
11. “Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.” - Bill McGlashen
12. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” - Marilyn Monroe
13. “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets” - Al McGuire
14. “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.” - Mark Twain
15. “Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?” - Unknown
16. ”If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.” - Sam Levenson
17. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.” - Earl Wilson
18. “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” - Albert Einstein
19. “The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.” - Will Rogers
20. “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright
21. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” - Jack Handey
22. ”Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.” - Unknown
23. “If evolution is fact, why do mothers only have two hands?” - Milton Berle
24. “I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.” - Unknown
25. “I am going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they muck up I will just hit them all at once.” - Unknown
26. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” - Robert Frost
27. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” - Zig Ziglar
28. “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” - Emo Philips
29. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” - Bob Hope
30. “A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying ‘boy was that fun.’” - The Maugles
31. “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” - Isaac Asimov
32. “Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?” - Barbra Streisand
33. “You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.” - Harry S. Truman
34. “We live in a  society where pizza gets to your house before the police.” - Unknown
35. “If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.” - Unknown
36. “My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.” - Jack Nicholson
37. “Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” - Woody Allen
38. “The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” - Unknown
39. “Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.” - Unknown
40. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.” - Wilson Mizner
41. “Three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: ‘Hold my purse.’” - Unknown
42. “I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.” - Unknown
43. “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” - Emo Philips
44. “Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.” - Unknown
45. “The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.” - Unknown
46. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” - Oscar Wilde
47. “Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.” - Unknown
48. “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.” - Ashleigh Brilliant
49. “I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.” - Axel Rose
50. “You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.” - Unknown
51. “Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?” - Unknown
52. “A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.” - Franklin Jones
53. “If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!” - Henny Youngman
54. “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon’.” - Chris Rock
55. “When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.” - Norm Crosby
56. “The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.” - Brendan Behan
57. “Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.” - Unknown
58. “A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’” - Claude Pepper
59. “I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.” - Unknown
60. “The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.” - Dennis Miller
61. “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.” - Winston Churchill
62. ”It’s strange, isn’t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh’ and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.” - Tommy Cooper
63. “Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?” - Unknown
64. “The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.” - Franklin P. Jones
65. “I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.” - Unknown
66. ”God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.” - Ethel Mumford
67. ”A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.” - Robert Purvis
68. “The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.” - George Jessel
69. “America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.” - Unknown
70. “Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?” - Unknown
71. “Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.” - Unknown
72. “I’m at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.” - Rodney Dangerfield
73. “If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they’re going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?” - Jerry Seinfeld
74.“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” - Rodney Dangerfield
75. ”As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” - Norman Wisdom
76. “How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?” - Unknown
77. “Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?” - Rita Rudner
78. “If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.” - Robin Williams
79. “By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” - Charles Wadsworth
80. “A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.” - Bill Vaughan
81. “To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.” - Unknown
82. “I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” - Jackie Mason
83. ”Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.” - Oprah Winfrey
84. ”Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.” - Christopher Marlowe
85. ”Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.” - Franklin P. Jones
86. “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.” - Jerry Seinfeld
87. “Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.” - Unknown
88. “Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?” - Unknown
89. “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?” - Ronald Reagan
90. “A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.” - Fred Allen
91. “They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.” - Unknown
92. “See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” - Robin Williams
93. ”First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” - Steve Martin
94. ”I hope that after I die, people will say of me: ‘That guy sure owed me a lot of money.’” - Jack Handy
95. ”Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” - Erma Bombeck
96.“Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.” - Unknown
97. “The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.” - Unknown
98. “At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” - Ann Landers
99. “If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.” - Unknown
100. “Make yourself at home… clean my kitchen.” - Unknown

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